How do I love thee..?
Although we often tend to think of love in its romantic context, it can be useful to think about the different forms of love found in other contexts. In particular, the Greco-Christian tradition identified several different forms of love which had an impact on human experience. These included:
Agape: Agape doesn’t appear very often in ancient Greek literature – and when it does appear, it usually is translated as ‘affection’, in contrast to eros (sensual love). It’s in the Christian tradition that agape takes on its most powerful role. Christian philosophers take agape to mean God’s love for man and man’s love for God. In the Christian tradition, this relationship can be seen when humans love one another unselfishly – so agape can also mean charitable love, too.
Philia: Greek philosopher, Aristotle (384-322 BC) considered philia to be the love shared between young lovers, lifelong friends, travellers on the same journey, soldiers in the same troop, members of the same tribe, merchants and their customers, and even between allied cities. For Aristotle, philia was necessary for happiness – he argued that even if one had all the riches in the world, one would not choose to live without friends. When the Quaker William Penn founded the first city in Pennsylvania in 1682, he called it Philadelphia – the ‘City of Brotherly Love’ – after the notion of philia.
Storge: Like agape, storge rarely appears in ancient works, and only as a descriptor of familial relationships. For Christian writer C.S. Lewis (1898-1963), storge referred to love that comes through familiarity, family members, or those who are like family. He considered it ‘natural’ because it is neither forced nor reliant upon being deserved. Sometimes, storge can also refer to patriotism – because some writers have seen parallels between the love of one’s family and the love of one’s country.
Philautia: This is all about self-love as in respect for oneself, and the desire to better and develop ourselves. According to Aristotle, loving oneself to the point of narcissistic self-interest is a fault, but that loving oneself to achieve moral self-betterment is a great good. In his view, the former tends to be much more common than the latter! Thanks to the writings of Christian monk Evagrius Ponticus (345-399 AD), excessive philautia, or pride, is commonly recognised as one of the Seven Deadly Sins. During the Middle Ages, this understanding of Pride as misplaced love was popularised by Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy (1320).
Eros: Last but not least, this refers to sensual or passionate love like the love between sexual partners. In the classical world, ‘erotic’ love was considered a madness bestowed by the gods ('theia mania') – sometimes in the form of Eros’ arrows. The Greek philosopher Plato (427-347 BC) argued that eros could be separated from its sexual component with contemplation, turning it into an appreciation for a person’s inner beauty or even for the concept of beauty itself. It is from this concept of eros without sexual desire that we derive the concept of ‘platonic love’. For C. S. Lewis, eros could be both good and bad; as a powerful experience it could lead one to passionate devotion or to obsession and torment. He distinguished eros from what he called Venus – i.e., raw sexuality.